What I Did For Love
by TheVeiledFairy
Summary: Future fic. Brittany wants a family with Santana more than anything. Santana finds out just how much she's willing to sacrifice to make it happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Future fic for Kelsey. You can thank her for the angst:) This is all the angst I'm doing tho. Happytimes ahead! I also did research for this btw so the medical stuff is legit. Woo. Happy Reading!****

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><p>Silence. Santana had never found herself uncomfortable with it before, at least not around Brittany. They had a special understanding and a level of familiarity that allowed them to be content with each other's presence and nothing more.<p>

However, on these days, on these drives, the silence was nearly unbearable. Santana never knew what Brittany was thinking as she turned down the streets on auto pilot as thoughts of what she should say consumed her.

Brittany was slumped against the passenger's side door, eyes glazed and unfocused as the passing street lights cast an eerie glow throughout the car.

They were almost home and neither had said a word; there was usually at least some polite small talk about the radio or dinner by this point.

"I really...I was so sure this time..." Brittany suddenly whispered.

Santana reached a hand over and touched Brittany's thigh, tentatively, jerking back immediately when she felt her wife stiffen.

"Brittany..." she started, stuttering over her sentences as she searched for the right words. "We can just try ag-" Brittany held up a hand silencing Santana as they pulled into their driveway.

When she cut the engine, Santana didn't even flinch when Brittany slammed the door and headed towards the house without her.

She leaned her head against the steering wheel and sighed. Another appointment. Another disappointment. Santana and Brittany had been trying for almost a year to get pregnant, but for some reason the eggs just would not take.

This was their 4th try and they were beginning to lose faith that they would ever have children. So many unsuccessful visits had left the couple feeling jaded, especially after their last attempt. Santana had had to stay home from work for a week to look after Brittany that time.

~o~O~o~

When the doctor had explained that she was pregnant, Brittany's eyes had lit up. Her face had glowed and she'd pulled Santana into a fierce kiss as they celebrated.

They'd left the office grinning madly and despite it being early, Brittany had insisted on going to Kids 'R' Us that day and buying every baby...thing she set her eyes on.

"Brittany, honey. We don't even know what it is yet. How are we gonna buy things?" Santana had reasoned, still unable to keep the smile off her face as Brittany bounced happily in the passengers seat before her eyes widened and she went stock still, clutching her stomach.

"We'll just buy yellow things, Santana. Duh. It's a unison color," she'd explained.

"Unisex, Britt."

"Whatever, just turn left."

They'd pretty much cleaned out the newborn section and after stopping at the hardware store to buy painting supplies, they'd headed home and proceeded to completely revamp their spare bedroom.

When Santana was hanging the last mobile over the obnoxiously expensive crib Brittany had just had to have, she'd noticed her wife sitting in the rocking chair next to it and absentmindedly stroking her belly as silent tears streamed down her face.

Santana had moved to kneel in front of Brittany, brushing the tears away and cupping her cheek lovingly.

"What's the matter, Britt?" she'd whispered, relaxing a little when Brittany shot her a watery smile.

"I...I can't believe it's actually in there. Our baby, Santana. Our baby," Brittany had mumbled, awestruck. Her gaze had never left her stomach and soon Santana's hand had joined Brittany's in tracing lazy patterns across her tanned abdomen.

~o~O~o~

"Santana, I'm fine," Brittany had insisted as her wife dropped the spatula and rushed to her side. "You're going to burn the pancakes and then I will definitelynot be fine."

"Brittany, you just stumbled into the table, recovered, and then stumbled into the counter directly after. Something is not right," Santana had argued, sparing a fleeting glance over her shoulder at the smoking frying pan.

Brittany had sighed heavily and begrudgingly leaned her weight onto Santana as she'd led her into the living room and towards the couch; she'd been depositing Brittany there more and more often as the weeks had gone by.

"It's really nothing, San. I just got a little dizzy. No big deal."

Santana had wanted to say that it was a big deal since Brittany had been having these random spouts of dizziness with increasing frequency but she'd resigned herself to nodding tiredly.

"Just...please sit down. I'll finish breakfast. You just...sit."

Santana had headed back into the kitchen, tossing the burned pancake and finishing the rest before joining Brittany on the couch with two plates. Brittany had accepted the food gratefully, wincing slightly as she stretched out her arm to grab the syrup from the coffee table.

"Britt...," Santana had started slowly, watching her wife purposely focus her gaze on her plate. "Is your shoulder acting up again?"

Brittany had shrugged, immediately regretting the motion as she winced more obviously. "I mean, it's just a little stiff. I probably just worked it a little too much with the younger kids yesterday," she'd mumbled without meeting Santana's eyes.

Since she'd been pregnant, Brittany had been lessening her teaching schedule at the dance studio slowly, so that when she went on maternity leave it wouldn't be such a shock. She'd been taking it easy and only consulting and observing in her classes while the teacher's aid did most of the demonstrations.

She'd said it was because she wanted to get her assistant ready to take over, but Santana had seen the way Brittany had begun flinching just a little when she did a spin or popped her arms too sharply.

"Brittany, it's been sore for about 3 weeks. You're almost 2 months along now. It could have something to do with the ba-"

"The baby is fine, Santana," Brittany had snapped, and Santana had seen past the annoyance and saw the fear and the uncertainty in her wife's eyes. She'd set her plate on the table before reaching for Brittany's and doing the same.

Brittany had melted into her arms and Santana had stroked her hair gently as she whispered reassurances into Brittany's hair.

"It's okay, babe. We have the first ultrasound on Wednesday. It'll be okay."

~o~O~o~

It hadn't been okay.

Brittany had come into the office and their doctor had asked all the usual questions, "How are you feeling?" "Any discomfort?" and so on.

She'd immediately confirmed that everything was great, but after a pointed look from Santana, Brittany had conceded to tell the doctor about the issues she'd been trying to excuse away. Somehow lying on the examination table had made it all real.

She gripped Santana's hand tightly and began, "Well, I have been feeling a little weak in recent weeks. I get dizzy a little," she'd paused as she felt a squeeze on her hand.

"Okay, I get dizzy a little more than a little...my shoulder's been bothering me too..." she'd trailed off, looking expectantly at the doctor. Brittany had been squeezing Santana's hand like a vice and Santana squeezed back just as fiercely.

They had wanted nothing more than for their doctor to nod with an understanding smile and tell Brittany that everything she was experiencing was normal. Instead they'd been met with slightly pursed lips and a "Hmmm...let's just see what the ultrasound shows us, huh?"

Panic had settled heavily in Santana's stomach, but she'd tried to keep up a brave face for her wife as they squirted that blue goo on her belly and began the scan.

"I love you. You know that, right?" Santana had murmured into Brittany's ear just as the doctor let out a despondent sigh and turned away from the monitor.

The rest of the appointment had been a heart wrenching, emotionally crippling blur of apologies and scientific terms and explanations. Words like "tubular pregnancy" and "hCG levels" were tossed around but the ones that had stood out the most to the couple were "terminate" and "possibly life threatening."

Brittany, surprisingly, hadn't cried at all. When the doctor had apologized for a third time and handed her a schedule for her methotrexate injections, she'd nodded distractedly, her eyes empty, and pulled Santana towards the car.

~o~O~o~

Santana had been walking on eggshells around Brittany for about a week. Every morning she'd wake up to find Brittany lying next to her, staring at the ceiling with a blank look on her face.

"Honey, do you want me to go with you today?" she'd ask tentatively, and Brittany would simply whisper, "No."

There were only two more appointments before the treatment would be over and Santana had convinced herself that she needed to be there for Brittany at the last one, whether she wanted it or not.

When Santana had arrived at work that morning, she'd quickly entered her office and dialed the number of Brittany's doctor. Her heart had sank as she listened to the man explain the situation to her and after politely thanking him, she'd hung up and told her secretary to cancel all her meetings for the day as she headed out the door.

She'd pulled up to her house, sighing deeply when she saw Brittany's car in the driveway, and cut the engine. Santana had opened the front door, dropping her keys on the table as she looked around th darkened hallway.

It hadn't looked like Brittany had been out of bed at all that day.

She had slowly climbed the stairs, quickening her pace as she heard soft sobs coming from the room at the far end of the hall; the end opposite their bedroom. Her heart had broken as she realized what was happening and she'd swallowed thickly, fighting back her own tears as she approached the room.

When she'd opened the door, she'd been met with the sight of Brittany curled into the rocker, clutching at a stuffed elephant and sobbing uncontrollably. Santana had crossed the room in two strides, kneeling in front of the chair as Brittany completely ignored her presence.

She'd reached out a hand, wiping the tears from Brittany's face as best she could.

"Britt...baby...I-" Santana had choked as Brittany slid from the rocker onto the floor and into her wife's embrace. The tears had come in torrents as Brittany soaked the front of Santana's work shirt, fisting the material in her hands as she'd sobbed.

"San, I just...I'm so sorry. It's our baby. It's still in there...What if I'm not able to again...I just...couldn't. "

Santana had gripped Brittany tighter as the tears fell freely from her own eyes. "Brittany, I love that baby so...so much, but I love you more. I would rather have you than anything else, sweetheart. You are what's important to me. I can't-...I can't lose you, okay? Honey, you have to do this."

Brittany had nodded into Santana's chest, peppering kisses against her neck and collarbone as she held onto her with everything she had.

"I love you. I love you. I'm so sorry, Santana. I'm so stupid."

"Brittany, you're not stupid. Don't ever let me hear you say that," Santana had demanded as she stroked Brittany's tangled hair and dropped kisses to every inch of her wife she could reach.

She had joined their hands, lacing their fingers together as she whispered, "I'm going with you this time, baby. We'll do it together."

~o~O~o~

Santana sighed as the memories of their last attempt at pregnancy washed over her. She had told Brittany that maybe they should've taken some time to heal before continuing with the in vitro, but Brittany had huffed, "I don't need to take time to heal, Santana. I need a baby."

She looked up at the house, dark except for one light on in a room at the far end of the hall, and Santana exhaled slowly before reaching for her purse and heading inside.

"Fuck," she cursed as she stumbled only seconds after walking in the door; Brittany had dropped her purse in the middle of the hallway. Santana kicked it aside with a little more force than was probably needed and took a deep breath before heading up the stairs.

She found Brittany just where she'd expected she would be, curled up against the crib in the nursery and cuddling that stuffed elephant. Santana's heart clenched as she watched Brittany rock slowly back and forth, petting the stuffed animal as tears tracked down her cheeks. It killed her to see her wife's spirit so broken; to see her so lifeless.

Brittany's eyes were so empty and it looked as if she'd lost all her motivations to live.

"We're never going to have a baby are we, Santana?"

"Brittany, don't think that way. We can't lose hope, okay?" she cooed as she scooped her wife into her arms. Brittany's legs were across her lap and her head was resting against Santana's shoulder.

Neither of them spoke as they sat on the floor, surrounded by all things that had once brought them so much joy, but now were a constant mocking reminder of what they couldn't have.

"I was thinking..." Brittany whispered, fiddling idly with the ribbons around the elephant's ears. Santana could feel her body tensing against her own and she gave Brittany's arm a squeeze, encouraging her to continue.

"Since we've been trying so hard and I can't...well it doesn't seem like I can...you know...I've just been thinking...and you know Quinn thought it might be a good idea, but I wasn't too sure and then Kurt told me that I should just ask...and-"

Santana cut Brittany off with a firm, loving kiss on the lips. She pulled Brittany's bottom lip between her own and sucked. She ran her tongue over Brittany's lips, sighing happily when Brittany opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

She massaged Brittany's tongue with her own, slowly and lovingly kissing her wife until her body relaxed and she felt Brittany's hand come to rest on her cheek. When they broke apart she pecked Brittany's lips once more before she smiled, "Whatever it is, just tell me."

A beat.

Santana started to speak but then Brittany blurted out, "I want you to try to carry the baby, San."

She was stunned to say the least. Santana and Brittany had had countless conversations about their future and Santana had been adamant about not wanting to be the one to carry them.

It wasn't something she had ever wanted for herself and now that the possibility was being thrust up on her, she felt cornered.

"Britt...I don't think that's such a goo-"

"Forget it." Brittany jerked out of Santana's arms, rising unsteadily to her feet and heading towards the door, dropping the elephant on her way.

"Honey, I-"

"No. It was a dumb idea. I'm just being stupid again..."

"Brittany you're not stu-"

"Don't, Santana. Not today. I know I am sometimes. It was dumb of me not to go to the doctor and it was dumb of me to ask you to do that when I know how you feel about it. This is my life...our life...I'm messing with, San. This whole thing was stupid. I know even you think so, even if you don't say. I love you because you never say it and you never make me feel it, but don't lie to me."

Brittany tossed one more glance over her shoulder as she crossed the threshold and into the darkened hallway. Santana sat dumbfounded on the nursery floor. She glanced around at the yellow walls, at the toys littered in various corners, at the picture of her and Brittany covered in paint and grinning at each other and she felt something shift in her.

She'd always wanted the kids because Brittany had wanted them, wanted the screaming and the scrapes and the sloppy kisses. More than anything else in the world, she wanted to make Brittany happy and in the instant she realized what it was going to take, it was decided.

Santana walked into her bedroom to find Brittany standing at the sink in their adjoining bathroom brushing her teeth and stroking her stomach lazily. It didn't appear that she even realized her action, and the sight only served to solidify Santana's decision.

She walked up behind Brittany, wrapping her arms around her and kissing the back of neck lightly. Brittany leaned into the embrace, humming around her toothbrush as Santana's kisses migrated around to her cheek.

Their eyes met in the mirror and Santana swallowed once as Brittany eyed her expectantly; she always knew when Santana had something to say.

Santana tightened her grip around her wife, drug in a shaky breath, and whispered, "I'll do it."

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><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading! Drop a review if you're so inclined:)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Note the rating change, though that probably wasn't necessary yet. It will be. Thanks sooo much for the reviews and alerts! I really appreciate it and sorry for the wait. College. Anyway, this chapter is way longer so I'm sure you'll appreciate that. Happy Reading! xoxo**

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><p>"Are you sure you're up for this?" had been the only thing Santana had managed to gasp as Brittany was kissing her breathless and pushing her back towards the bed, stripping off both of their clothes along the way.<p>

Santana's head hit the pillows and it was mere moments before she felt her underwear being tugged off and a very naked Brittany on top of her.

Brittany beamed down at her, the haste of the previous moment forgotten as she took in Santana's flushed cheeks and the look of absolute adoration shining in her eyes.

She leaned forward and strands of tangled blonde curtained their faces as she kissed her wife slowly. She took the time to study Santana's reactions as she left searing kisses along her jaw, down to her collarbone, and finally to her breast.

Santana curled one hand behind Brittany's neck as the other slid down to rest comfortably on the swell of Brittany's backside.

She was mesmerized by Brittany's attentiveness; how she paused, taking in the way Santana's muscles quivered as her fingers blazed a trail down Santana's stomach.

"You're beautiful. Y'know that?" Santana whispered, reaching around to push Brittany's hair from her eyes.

Santana sucked in a shallow breath when Brittany's fingers finally slid between her thighs.

"And you're...dripping," Brittany breathed, a look of sheer awestruck lust crossing her face.

Santana immediately groaned and flung her arms out to her sides limply.

"Baby, that is so not sexy."

Brittany giggled and grasped Santana's hands, returning them to their previous positions on her body as she buried her face in Santana's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, honey. It's just...you're so wet right now. That's the first thing that came to my mind," she explained as Santana struggled to keep her scowl in place.

"It's alright. Just...kinda ruined the moment a little," she sighed, letting her hands rest unmoving on Brittany's hips.

Brittany pouted. If she was anything, she was persistent and "ruining the mood" was never an excuse she would accept for stopping sex. Ever.

"Are you saying you don't want me anymore?" she asked, pressing her hips down harder, rubbing herself against Santana's thigh; letting her feel just how "in the mood" she still was.

"...Because I still want you," she continued, fully aware of quickly she could work up her wife when she talked like this.

Santana remained silent, but Brittany could feel her pulse picking up again and she smirked.

She began placing open mouthed kisses on Santana's shoulder, up the curve of her neck, and just beneath her jaw. Brittany's fingers made their way back between her wife's legs as she breathed heavily into Santana's ear.

"Still not in the mood, baby?" she mumbled against Santana's cheek as she moved towards her lips, brushing them against her own and pulling back each time Santana tried to kiss her.

"We'll just have to change your mind then, won't we?"

~o~O~o~

Brittany pressed one last kiss to Santana's lips before rolling over and flopping onto the bed tiredly.

"God,Brittany. I should let you have your way more often if that's what I get out of it," Santana breathed as she stared up at the ceiling.

She was panting heavily and internally cursing the way the sheets were sticking to her body from sweat. Brittany chuckled, reaching over to brush a lock of hair from Santana's face and grinning at her smugly.

"Pshh, I always get what I want from you. And you weren't in the mood..." she teased and Santana scoffed as Brittany shifted onto her side and began running her fingertips over Santana's abs.

"Yeah, you do. Mostly because what you usually want ends up being 'beneficial' for both of us," she stated mischievously. When Brittany didn't answer after a few moments, Santana turned and noticed her staring intently at the patterns her fingers were making over Santana's stomach.

She didn't speak; just watched the small smile on Brittany's face gradually slip into that irresistibly adorable pout that her wife still hadn't outgrown.

"What's the matter, B?" Santana asked gently, taking Brittany's free hand and tangling their fingers between them. She figured Brittany was thinking about the baby and the gesture was meant to let her know that she was there for her.

Brittany looked up with a start, almost as if she'd just realized that the smooth skin she'd been caressing was actually attached to her wife.

"Oh, nothing," she dismissed, leaning her head onto Santana's shoulder and continuing her motions.

"I'm just really gonna miss your abs, babe."

Santana's body tensed instinctively and although Brittany noticed, she pretended not to. Santana had been right. Brittany was thinking about the baby; just not the one she had anticipated.

"Oh. Well don't worry about it, hun. It'll be a little while before that happens anyways," Santana chuckled uneasily and only then did Brittany's fingers still. She shuffled away from Santana on the bed, laying on her side and gazing down at her wife nervously.

Brittany's eyes were wide and fearful as she rambled, working herself into a frenzy, "What do you mean? 'it'll be a little while'? Santana you said-"

"Hey, hey! Shhhh," Santana cooed, resting her hand on Brittany's cheek, "I know what I said. And I meant it. I'll do this for yo- us. I'll do this for us. But Brittany, I'm gonna need some time to wrap my mind around it, babe. You have to understand that I never planned for this. It's not that easy."

Brittany nodded slowly in understanding, pursing her lips as her brow crinkled with the intensity of her thoughts. Santana ran her thumb across Brittany's forehead, smoothing out the imperfections and waiting for her wife to respond.

Finally Brittany sighed, "I do understand that, Santana. How much time do you think you'll need to take before you'd be willing to try?" She was trying to be supportive and sensitive to her wife's reservations about everything, but it didn't change the fact that she would rather start a family sooner than later.

"Maybe...maybe we talk about it in a year or so?" Santana whispered, watching as the flicker of fire that had returned to Brittany's eyes in the bathroom was extinguished by her words.

"A...year?" Brittany said, sliding out reach of Santana's roaming fingers as she let her answer sink in.

Santana nodded before tentatively adding, "Or so..."

Brittany closed her eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath and letting out an incredulous scoff as she repeated, more for herself, "A year...or so." She rolled over onto her other side, turning her back to Santana.

For a long time they just laid there quietly, though both knew that neither was asleep. It was almost laughable how quickly they'd fallen from their post coital bliss and back into the tense, strained silences that had become the norm for the past week.

When she couldn't stand it any longer, Santana mirrored Brittany's position and slipped an arm across her waist, touching her lips to the back of Brittany's neck so softly that she had to wonder if Brittany had even felt it.

She had.

Instantly Brittany's body surrendered to the trembling sobs she'd been fighting against and Santana molded herself more solidly against her. In an unexpected gesture of hostility, Brittany flinched away from Santana's embrace like it burned. And in some ways it did.

Brittany had always been the one to compromise in the relationship. Despite the fact that Santana had spent years after they'd gotten together succumbing to Brittany's every fleeting whim to make up for it, Brittany was still the one to compromise on the things that really mattered.

When Santana started kissing Brittany in the dark at their weekly Saturday night sleepovers but refused her affections in the morning when the sunlight shined across their faces, Brittany waited.

When Santana was pulling her into the center of a group of faceless jocks at random houses every weekend in high school and holding her there with eager lips and wandering hands, Brittany waited.

When Santana woke up in the mornings months later to their clothes missing and their bodies tangled and pulled away from Brittany, dressed in silence, and left, Brittany waited.

When Santana was still coming to terms with what their relationship really was and what it meant for herself, Brittany waited.

She felt like she was always waiting for Santana to be ready for things and after so many years, it was becoming tiring. Brittany grabbed her pillow and a blanket that was hung over the back of a chair and headed for the door.

"I'm sleeping downstairs," was the only parting message she left and Santana curled into the damp sheets, shuddering as the absence of Brittany's warmth became more pronounced against her bare skin.

~o~O~o~

Brittany stood at the kitchen counter, singing lightly as she poured coffee into two mugs. She added cream to both, but to Santana's she added a dash of cinnamon, a squirt of that special caramel syrup they have at Starbucks, and a couple teaspoons of sugar.

Santana liked her coffee to be sweet; really sweet. Her mom had said once that it was to balance out her salty personality.

Brittany had giggled when Santana had cursed her mom in Spanish under her breath, grabbed her coffee to go and scowled from the driver's seat of her car until Brittany finished drinking her own coffee inside and slid into the passengers seat.

"I think you're plenty sweet..." she'd said, leaning across the center console and pressing her lips to Santana's neck. Brittany ran her tongue up to Santana's ear, sucking the lobe into her mouth before pulling back.

"But I'm pretty sure I like the salty parts of you better..." she'd whispered, and when her hand dropped to Santana's thigh and her fingers tickled the sensitive skin between them, there hadn't been any confusion about what she'd been referring to.

Brittany slowly trudged up the stairs and entered the bedroom quietly, setting the mugs down on the nightstand and slipping back between the sheets.

It had taken about 3 nights of Brittany sleeping downstairs before Santana agreed that they could discuss the baby business in 3 months. She'd emphasised the word discuss, but Brittany had been too excited to pay her any attention. It wasn't a year. It wasn't even close to a year, and that was all that mattered to her.

Besides. She'd had her own plans to set into motion.

That was over a month ago, and ever since she'd been subtly dropping hints into their daily conversations.

Santana pretended not to be aware of what Brittany was trying to do and she pretended that her wife wasn't wearing her down, but when Brittany came home from the studio early on one of Santana's days off and found her browsing through the parenting pamphlet Brittany had "misplaced" in Santana's stack of magazines, she'd known it was only a matter of time.

She leaned over and nuzzled her nose against Santana's in an attempt to rouse her. Santana's eyes squinted against the glaring morning light shining in their window before she looked up at her wife and offered her a drowsy smile.

"Morning," she whispered, her voice crackling adorably as she stretched out in the bed. "I smell coffee. Gimme."

Brittany pecked her lips quickly, laughing at how grumpy her wife got before she's had her morning pick me up. She reached behind her and gingerly lifted the steaming cup over herself and passed it to Santana.

"Mmmmm. This is perfect. Thanks babe," Santana hummed after the first smooth sip settled warmly in her stomach.

"You're welcome. What do ya wanna do today?" Brittany asked conversationally, sipping at her own coffee and side-eying her wife. If she'd been doing everything right, she already knew what they were doing today.

She just had to let Santana think it was her idea.

Santana crinkled her nose as she considered their options, fingers drumming some nonsensical rhythm against her cup.

"I don't know, Britt. We could finally go to the park. You've been talking about that a lot lately..." she suggested and it took all of Brittany's self control to keep her genuine smile from turning smug.

"That sounds perfect, honey."

~o~O~o~

"Santana, hold my purse!" Brittany huffed as she broke out into a run after some tiny blonde boy she'd been playing with; apparently he'd instigated an impromptu game of tag.

"But what am I supposed to do while you're gone?" Santana whined and Brittany quickly pecked her on the lips and smiled.

"Just go sit over there on that bench. I'll find you. Thanks baby!"

She'd barely had an opportunity to mumble, "sure" before there was a small breeze and whip of blonde hair flying past her.

Santana chuckled as she settled her gaze on the bench Brittany had indicated. There was an older woman sitting on one end, so Santana did what all non-creepy individuals would do; she sat at the opposite end.

It was almost an unspoken law of society that when in public, sharing a sitting space with a stranger, sitting as far away from them as possible is the polite thing to do.

The bench was rickety and it creaked in protest at the addition of Santana's weight. She sat hers and Brittany's purses down next to her and let her eyes scan over the park.

It was a lot more crowded than Santana had ever seen it, though generally she and Brittany only came by towards dusk when Santana came home from work.

She watched the children running around the playground excitedly, laughing and giggling madly as if they hadn't a care in the world. And when she thought, Santana realized that they didn't.

They were all so innocent and it brought a smile to her face to see that there was still someone in the world who hadn't been met with the harsher realities of life.

She was lost in her own thoughts as a ball bounced over and knocked against her knees, effectively stirring her from her reverie.

Santana picked up the small toy and looked around too see where it had come from. Just then a pair of bright, blue eyes were suddenly blocking her vision.

She'd had to blink a few times before she realized that the familiar shade of blue peering up at her was from the eyes of ball's owner.

Santana studied the little girl, taking in the cotton sundress she was scrunching in her fists and the way her feet were scuffing against the pavement in her strappy sandals.

The little girl couldn't have been any older than four and she had the most adorable pout set in place as she eyed the ball in Santana's hands.

It was almost unnerving how much this girl reminded her of Brittany. They had the same silky blonde hair, the same ocean blue eyes, and even the same distant, blank stare.

After a few moments, Santana realized that she was staring at the little girl, and probably scaring her so she quickly smiled at her warmly.

"Hi, sweetie," she cooed, "What's your name?"

The girl's eyes narrowed, but when Santana nodded encouragingly, smile still intact, she mumbled, "Hallie."

Her voice was high pitched for sure, but it still had a raspy whispering quality to it. It was striking and not at all what Santana was expecting when she first looked at the girl.

"Hallie?" she repeated for confirmation. The girl gave a timid nod, so she continued.

"That's a very pretty name, Hallie! I actually had a friend whose name was Holly. That's kinda like yours right?" Santana ventured, ducking her head when the girl lowered her eyes and blushed at her compliment, giggling.

She had never been one for making small talk with people, even children. In fact, it was one of the main reasons she'd been almost adamant about Brittany carrying their child.

Of course, Brittany had wanted to, but Santana had never felt that need to channel her maternal instincts, so she figured she'd be a terrible mom. She'd never been drawn to kids, so it baffled her how easily she'd fallen into talking to Hallie.

Hallie however, perked up when Santana mentioned the infamous Holly Holiday. Her eyes narrowed again and she cocked her head to the side quizzically. She opened her mouth, as if to speak, but shut it quickly, pursing her lips.

"What's the matter, honey?" Santana urged, curious as to her sudden change in demeanor.

Hallie briefly glanced over at the women on the bench, who Santana had actually forgotten was there. The woman shot Hallie a wink and a discreet nod, neither of which Santana noticed, and Hallie turned back to Santana and took a deep breath.

"Does she live in the hallways?" Hallie asked, and Santana furrowed her brow as she tried to make sense of the question. It took a minute for her to figure it out, but then it clicked, something she attributed only to years of being with Brittany.

Once the understanding fully set in, Santana laughed; she genuinely laughed. Not the laugh she reserved for those stale office parties, or the outdated innuendos Puck shoots at her at every class reunion Brittany forces her to attend, but the one that up until that moment, had only ever been coaxed out by her wife.

"No, no. That's just a song people sing. I'm not even sure what 'boughs of Holly' are or why people put them in the halls," she answered, scrunching up her nose adorably as her laughter died down.

As soon as the words left her lips however, Hallie's previously apprehensive attitude vanished completely. Her eyes sparkled and, for the first time since wandering over after her ball, Hallie smiled.

The woman on the bench watched the exchange in awe, but remained silent as Hallie gasped and began to speak again.

"I didn't asks your name! Mrs. Fitz says when ya meets new people, ya gots to ask. It's pooper," she explained, nodding enthusiastically. Santana smiled again at the fact that she instantly knew the girl meant "proper" not "pooper."

Something dark passed over the girl's features as she continued, "Sometimes I forget and then people don't likes me so much...so... What's your name?" Hallie finished, eyeing Santana curiously.

"My name is Santana," she declared, offering her hand out for Hallie to shake. She looked at it warily for a moment before glancing back up to Santana's smiling eyes and grabbing it excitedly.

"Sin-taay-na," she sounded out, a look of rapt concentration coloring her features. After a minute of silence, Hallie reached out tentatively, but pulled back quickly, clasping her hands behind her back.

"Umm...can I has my ball back, Tana?"

Santana was caught off guard by the sweet nickname and jumped a little when she looked down at the ball cradled in her hands, remembering why Hallie had wandered over in the first place.

"Oh! Of course sweetie. Just be more careful next time, okay?" she said, handing over the ball.

"Uh huh! I wills!" Hallie chirped.

"Pinky promise?" Santana questioned, extending her pinky to the little girl who just about beamed when she noticed the gesture.

"Totally."

Hallie wrapped her tiny finger around Santana's, squeezing as tight as she could before she shot her one last smile and bounded away.

Santana watched her run across the blacktop to a field on the other side where Hallie proceeded to raise the ball above her head and chuck it as hard as she could at a little boy standing a few yards away.

It bounced off his head and rolled back to Hallie's feet where she was practically cackling with laughter. Santana watched the entire scene play out and she couldn't help but laugh as Hallie picked up the ball and started running away.

It was so much like something she would've done at that age that she could hardly stand it.

"She's something, isn't she?"

The voice startled Santana and she turned to find the older woman grinning at her. Santana nodded and turned back towards the playground, surprised by the disappointment that settled over her when she couldn't immediately spot the little girl.

"You really have a way with her. I don't think I've seen Hallie that open with anyone she just met...ever."

Santana's ears perked up when she heard the now familiar name and she returned her attention to the woman beside her.

"Oh? Are you Hallie's mom?" she questioned, looking the woman up and down. She looked a little to old to have such a young child, but hey, stranger things have happened.

"Oh no, I'm not her mother. I'm Mrs. Fitz, Hallie's social worker," the woman explained and if Santana's interest hadn't already been peaked, it certainly was now.

"Social worker?" she parroted as a frown crept it's way onto her face. The woman looked saddened when she slowly nodded.

"Yes. For 2 years now. Hallie's parents were killed in a car crash when she was just a baby. Luckily Hallie had been with her grandparents at the time so she wasn't hurt. She doesn't remember much about that time, but I know she wishes she could see them again."

Santana listened to Mrs. Fitz's story attentively, feeling her heart plummet when she heard what the child had already been through at such a young age.

"When did her grandparents pass?" she urged, wanting to to know more about the child for some reason. Mrs. Fitz pursed her lips.

"They didn't. They live over in Lima Hills," she said and she must have seen the confusion on Santana's face because she added, "After the accident, they agreed to take care of her, but after a few months they said that having Hallie around was 'too painful' since they'd lost their own daughter so they packed her up and shipped her away and somehow her files ended up in my office."

Santana hummed in understanding, though she didn't really understand the reasoning behind the girl's grandparents' actions.

"So, what happened to her?" she prompted.

"Well. I've been trying to find a placement for her, but we haven't been having much luck. We actually just came from a meeting that didn't really go too well so I thought I'd bring her to the park to cheer her up before she goes back to the home."

"The home?"

"Yes," Mrs. Fitz sighed, looking saddened, "Hallie lives in a group home with a few other young children. We've been trying to find a permanent placement, or even a foster care situation, but Hallie is such a reserved child. She doesn't warm up to people easily, so the parents don't take to her, you know? I'm running out of places to look. We've been through almost the entire Lima circuit. I'm supposed to call up to Columbus on Monday, but I'm stalling because I know Hallie loves it here. Her school and especially that little restaurant right off main street... what's it called..." she trailed off and Santana grinned.

"Breadstix."

"Ah, yes. That's the one. Oh look at me boring you with my work talk. I'm so sorry. Spend all your time with kids and you'll talk off the first adult ear you get," Mrs. Fitz rambled and Santana was about to reassure her that she didn't mind when she felt gentle fingers squeezing her shoulders.

Santana looked and saw her wife flickering her gaze between herself and the woman beside her curiously. Brittany knew how much Santana hated talking to strangers and she'd been watching them talking for a while.

She'd brought Santana to the park to help her get used to being around kids and maybe help her open up to the idea of wanting them sooner. She hadn't counted on Santana finding a grown up to talk to.

"Hey babe, who's this?" Brittany greeted, sitting sideways across Santana's lap and smiling at the woman across from her.

Santana blushed and met Mrs. Fitz's knowing eyes as she answered, "Uh, Mrs. Fitz, this is my wife Brittany. Brittany this is Mrs. Fitz, Hallie's social worker."

Brittany exchanged pleasantries with the woman before something Santana said struck her.

"Wait, who's Hallie?" Brittany asked, just as mop of blonde hair appeared in front of the woman next to her, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Mrs. Fitz. Is we still leaving now?" Hallie pouted, looking down at the Hello Kitty watch around her wrist.

"Are the hands on 1 and 6?" Mrs. Fitz replied and Hallie begrudgingly nodded. "Then yes, we have to go. I've got a lot of calls to make," she sighed, shooting Santana a pointed glance to which she smiled sympathetically.

"Say goodbye, Hallie."

The girl turned to Santana, only just noticing the new addition to the group. Hallie squinted at Brittany before asking, "Are you friends with Tana?"

Brittany gaped at the little girl for a moment, glancing at Santana, who simply nodded.

"Best friends," Brittany declared and Hallie immediately lit up.

"Oh, okay! What's your name?"

"Brittany," she smiled, getting off of Santana's lap to kneel in front of the girl. "But you can call me Britts. How bout that?"

Hallie smiled back at her and turned to Santana, "She's nice, Tana. Not like my best friend; she steals my cookies."

"Well, one day, me and Britts here will take you to get a cookie from Breadstix, maybe?" Santana offered, getting off the bench to kneel beside Brittany who was watching the interaction with wide eyes.

For a moment Hallie looked excited, but then her shoulder's slumped and she dropped her eyes to the ground. She bit her lip as she looked back up, ping ponging her gaze between Brittany and Santana's eyes, searching for something.

"Pinky promise?" she whispered.

Santana looked at Brittany and then up to Mrs. Fitz who smiled encouragingly down at the trio, and raised her pinky happily.

"Pinky promise."

~o~O~o~

Brittany reached over to turn off the radio as they drove through the familiar streets that led them home. Santana hadn't said a word the entire drive other than recounting Mrs. Fitz's story and Brittany could tell she was thinking hard about something.

"Babe, I can practically hear your brain. Do you wanna talk about it?" Brittany prodded, hoping that her wife would open up to her about what she was agonizing over.

Santana hadn't been able to get Hallie out of her head since they'd left the park. Santana was in awe of how free spirited and lively the girl still was after everything she'd been through.

They'd exchanged numbers with Mrs. Fitz and she'd promised to call them soon to set up the "Day Date" much to the excitement of a bouncing Hallie. When they'd turned to leave and shocking everyone, Hallie doubled back and wrapped herself around Santana's leg.

Santana had only had the chance to pat her head gently before she was skipping after Mrs. Fitz.

"What was that?" Brittany had breathed out, nudging her wife gently as she watched the two figures get into a small Volvo and drive away.

"I don't even know," was all she'd managed to reply.

Santana met Brittany's concerned eyes briefly as she pulled into their driveway and cut the engine.

She took a deep breath and tangled their fingers together as she readied herself to pose the question that could potentially change their lives.

"Brittany, how do you feel about adoption?"

The question hung heavy in the air as Santana waited for Brittany's reply. Brittany was so taken aback by the question she'd had to physically shake herself out of her stupor.

"You can totally say no babe, but I was just thinking that maybe since I know you were wanting to start sooner and I-"

"Yes."

"Yes?" Santana asked, looking up to Brittany's eyes hopefully.

"Yes," Brittany repeated, leaning across the center console to pull Santana into a kiss.

Santana breathed a sigh of relief when they separated and Brittany simply stared at her in awe. She'd honestly never thought about adoption, but now that Santana was interested, she couldn't see any reason not to try it.

As they made their way into the house, Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, pulling her closer and swaying them slowly in the front hall.

"So I take it you had someone in mind?" Brittany asked with a knowing smirk. She'd seen the way Santana had looked at Hallie and she had no doubts that it was that little girl's smile that brought on this idea.

"Wha- I…well no. I was just thinking in general…I mean there's a lot of kids out there who don't have homes and…stuff," Santana sputtered at her wife and Brittany just laughed and untangled herself, heading off towards the kitchen.

Santana climbed the stairs to their bedroom, flopping back onto the mattress and shutting her eyes. She heard Brittany enter the room, but she didn't acknowledge her otherwise.

Brittany crossed the room and leaned over the bed, kissing Santana again as she pressed something into her open palm.

Santana instinctively closed her hand and felt her cell phone there. When Brittany pulled back, she flipped it open and a small slip of paper fluttered out. Santana scanned the numbers written, recognizing them as the ones Mrs. Fitz had given them at the park and felt a warmth wash over her heart.

Brittany sat down at the edge of the bed with a grin and squeezed Santana's thigh encouragingly.

"Let's go get her babe."

* * *

><p><strong>I bet you didn't see that coming! Thanks again for reading and drop a review if you're so inclined!<strong>


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